I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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