He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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