I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
