he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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