I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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