Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
