if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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