I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
