Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
