Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
