I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
