I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
