best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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