I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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