No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
