i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
