Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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