is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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