nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
We're too hungover to prance.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
