apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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