My Higher Power is John Stamos
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
