I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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