I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
