We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
