Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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