If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
