its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
