Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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