hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
