we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
