Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
why do cheetos always look like penises
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
