My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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