"it" just moved
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
