DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
