she woke up with a sticky ear
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
