i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The air was thick with penises
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
