I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
