with your own penis?
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
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You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
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