I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Farmville is her only friend.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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