we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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