Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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