i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
