whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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