Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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