we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
