I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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