Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
