and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
