My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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