So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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