I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
