Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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