I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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