Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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