Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
