HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
