We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
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My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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