just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
